October 15, 2007
I never heard much about AUTISM until it came into my life. I heard the term years before and I thought I heard that the child they spoke of was “artistic”. “Oh well”, I thought… “so the boy is artistic”. I thought it was cool he was communicating on a laptop with his dad, I thought that was pretty darn artistic. I’ve always known well enough to look at someone that “acts” or looks a little different but with the same demeanor I expect back. Never disrespectful, NEVER! Personally I thought that was just common sense but It’s not.
I’ve gotten tired of thinking or sometimes even voicing “take a picture it will last you longer” to people that are making rude remarks or simply staring in disgust as I work with my son through an “overload”, he makes sounds, goes into a store and jumps in excitement or simply stems. Don’t get me wrong, I meet so many people on a daily basis that are aware, informed and educated about Autism I feel blessed, but the stupid people, yes stupid people are just pissing me off. I don’t mind if you ask even in the middle of a tantrum why is he doing that or even looking “concerned”. If you don’t know about Autism I think its fine too, but I think its obvious at least in my case that there is a little something different going on. Don’t be too quick to judge. To those that are just stupid and quick to judge “incorrectly”, Keep your judgments to yourselves because this woman right here, does not give a shit about what you think but the demeanor still pisses me off. Get off your high horse jackass because you know that you could not do or endure what I do on a daily basis not to mention GRACEFULLY. And YES my son is AUTISTIC… he is in fact a human being… MY HUMAN BEING!
Funny thing is that while you are being so rude making your idiotic remarks about my son needing a spanking or about how big he is and he should be able to control himself or how when your kid that looks about 13 year old is loudly asking you if my son is retarded and with his phone starts to record him, I CHOOSE to remain polite. I could turn around and tell your kid… No HONEY he is not retarded, but you are and your mom just isn’t telling you! You are supposed to teach your kids because they are a direct reflection of what you teach them! I really don’t mind the curiosity, kids are supposed to be curious. I want them to ask so I can tell them, educate them and this way instead of wondering… they know. Or when the remarks come from you, the adult about how I should leave a kid “like this” home… I look at you and just want to say, Have you seen your ugly ass in the mirror lately? I’m surprised you have the balls to come out in public. I could seriously point out everything that I see wrong with you according to me. I could seriously give you a tongue lashing that would put you in need of such intense therapy that you wouldn’t be able to afford even the cheapest of all therapists. You seriously would need shock therapy so you could forget because although I CHOOSE not to use it I was blessed with a wicked tongue and nerves of steal to speak my mind without fear. But… I don’t. Not because I choose to be the bigger person because sometimes being the “bigger” person feels like total bullshit to me. I don’t say anything because I am trying to be an example for my kids. I am trying to show them that people can be insensitive and rude but how we respond is what matters. But this is what writing does for me… I can tell you about yourself and my kids will still be taught to know better. Call me a hypocrite… I really couldn’t give 2 shits and a rats ass what you think. Run get your “handicap” placard cause your ass is severely disabled.
From now on I will carry a disposable camera in my bag because I don’t even have to turn it on and when you people (the stupid people) are so rudely looking or snickering I am going to turn around and take a picture of you because I want the moment to last ME longer. You people are the truly disabled! Its got to be some sort of condition because a “normal” person cannot possibly act that way. I will even hand you a card with the website where you will be able to see your face and a short summary about your “condition” according to the way I choose to Judge your stupid ass. You did it to me, you took a snapshot of my life and made the assumptions you chose to make. I will do the same thing but in a literal manner. I will take your picture! I will judge you! I will tell you to your face! And when I do and it bothers you… Deal with it! I have to.
Run along now, oh special one… My rant is done!
November 10, 2010 ~~~ UPDATE
I’ve grown a little bit since this… I walk around so busy handling my business that most of the time I don’t notice anymore and don’t hear it anymore. I bump into so many great people now and I choose to focus on that. I’ve had people even pray for me in a parking lot and that’s what it’s all about. This was written only 3 years ago. Time goes by, and as I’ve mentioned before… Autism in my life has taught me so much. I’m by no means perfect, I still have my “ugly” days but most of the time I can focus on what is beautiful and believe me beautiful is stronger than ugly