A while back I stumbled upon a discussion about online dating. There was mention of a website and so I became curious. I thought it was pretty harmless, it was free and it was not like I had any intention to follow through with anything other than online conversation, satisfying curiosity and hopefully feed my ego a little (I’m still human). I posted a real picture of myself (not the one above) and wrote a few lines about my life, important note here-MY LIFE–not the one I wanted to pretend I had. I looked through some profiles that this website thought I should check out for compatibility and I have to tell you that I was not at all interested in anything that was out there but I did get to laugh a little. Whom am I kidding? I got to laugh my ass off.
I got a few men sending me emails telling me very nice things which was lovely. Then I got a few more from men that had been on the site forever telling me how much the site sucked if I was really looking to meet “a real man” because most men were just looking for a good time, following with… here is my number and if you are feeling sexy give me a call. O.K.
While looking at these profiles I noticed that a lot of men like walks in the park, hiking, water sports, outdoor activities and curling up in front of the fireplace giving a special woman a nice massage. Wow! Impressive! Only that a lot of what they wrote just came across as “bait” only to “switch” later on. Another thing was the very obvious lies about age. If you are serious about meeting someone for something good and real then why start lying right off the bat? When are you going to reveal your real age?
I started to think that it would be funny to put all the stuff nobody wants to read in a profile. I thought I should just lay it all out there and see if any “nut” would still hit on me. I didn’t do it, instead I deleted the profile after a week and I will never do it again but this is what my ad would have said.
**Note to WORDPRESS readers** Although all of this will be true it should be taken lightly as I only mean to be humorous. 😉
Hi my name is Betty and there are lots of things I like to do, wish I could do and just think about doing but don’t do at all. I would love to go hiking often, take walks on the beach, I do many water sports but haven’t in a long time and I don’t have a fireplace.
When I get home after a hard day of running around and working I literally run over to my room and get my favorite pair of sweats that are 3 times my size and luckily have a drawstring to prevent them from falling off and have the most bizarre colors, tie dye to be exact. You will not find these attractive at all but they are comfortable to me and a baby doll is not practical to be around my kids nor comfortable to just wear so that you can be happy and wanting me. I suggest you work on your x-ray vision if you want me to look sexy all the time. I don’t always look polished. Some days I walk out of my home looking like a train wreck only to walk out the next day looking like a super model right out of the Victoria’s Secret catalogue and shock people with my fashion sense.
When it comes to drinking I probably do it 2 times a year and 1 of them will most likely be a holiday. I mind my business but if you are a heavy drinker and want to be involved with me then it is my business and I am not interested. I don’t do drugs, I never have. I can be friends with everybody no matter what they choose to do with their lives but a relationship is a different story when it comes to drinking, drugs, poor nutrition and downright laziness.
I am very spontaneous and all of a sudden I may want to jump in my car, and go for a 2 hour drive. I take pictures of everything. I don’t use foul language other than saying “shit” every so often which actually makes people laugh because of how I enunciate it and I have to be really pissed to take it further. I don’t name call and God forbid you should call me anything else other than beautiful, honey, sweetheart, I WILL FLIP! You want respect? Give me respect.
I have a son with pretty hard-core Autism and he does shit that will be mind bending. If you can’t take it, I’m done with you. If you tell me what you think I should do about him, I am done. If you tell me anything that comes across like you don’t like him you can go take that hike you describe on your profile as something you love to do. Positive suggestions and re-enforcement are highly encouraged though. I have a 13-year-old daughter and she is gorgeous. If we get serious and in the middle of the night you need to go to the bathroom, it better be the one inside our room. You are not allowed to EVER go in her room for ANYTHING whether she is in there or not. YOU WILL look at my daughter as a child even if she is 20 and still living at home with a body that would put JLO to shame. The thought of men that are with mothers yet checking out their daughters makes me sick and makes them complete perverts. Don’t be one! I have a little boy who is sweet and has difficulty understanding certain every day things but that will probably be smarter than you so you need to help me feed his mind good stuff and be patient.
Now let me tell you what I’m sure you want to hear and some you may not but it’s reality. I am a very loyal person. I am honest and my moral values are always in check. My kids will always be 1st in my life but I will make sure that you are a happy man by my side. It goes both ways and I don’t believe in bending over backwards for anyone that doesn’t reciprocate the same. You should not walk in front of me or behind me. You are to walk right by my side. I pay my own bills so I’m not looking for a sugar daddy or anything like that but you need to be employed because all of my money goes towards my bills and my kids and I am nobody’s sugar momma. I don’t need you to come and play daddy but there has to be a certain level of genuine care for my children. There are days that I could throw down with Bobby Flay and send him home crying and others that I will give in to fast food. Hopefully you know how to cook because I could use a few pounds and it’s nice to just sit and have someone else feed you once in a while. If you are a good cook and like doing it all the time, that is a huge plus! I am not jealous of anyone but if you disrespect by checking out all sort of women in front of me we are going to have a problem, A big one! I know all guys do it but don’t do it in front of me because that’s what your time alone is for and if you are with me it’s because you think I am the MISS UNIVERSE of your life. Yes, this is the way I see it.
I consider myself a pretty even keeled person so If after reading this you are still interested and you contact me let’s hope that you read it twice and that you are not just contacting me to see if I meant any of it or not and still figured you’d take a shot at getting a piece of ass because you are surely to be one very disappointed man. 😉 Tell me your story… Your TRUE story.
So to my WordPress readers I ask… what do you think? What is your opinion of online dating?